Thesis defense day. This day is here, and now, it’s the present. Not some past moment I’ll begin to speak of tomorrow telling friends and hopefully students some day “When I presented my thesis…” – no longer the common past talk I’m familiar with always saying “For your thesis you should…” Both of those moments are not here. Here is my thesis – a living breathing feeling of feelings, emotional heart beats in my chest, dada, dada, dada. Ebb and flowing energy. It’s an empowered moment, a fun, joyful celebration of life – really my life. My heart, truth, and instantly authentic journey and life and share.
This unlocking, unbinding, to rebinding, opening, open heart, trust, in self. Here this authoritative role, ownership, claiming of words, truth tellin’ is big, it’s huge, is here. Here.
I am here, and breathing deeply, listening to my playlist which hums my story, more words. A view of my own choosing. And the anxiety perks it’s gentle head up like the red bird that I just saw as I took Emma to potty. It’s soft, gentle, but boldly there, sort of darting around, hopping and poking its head amongst the blades of fresh new spring grass.
My thoughts of my anxiety red bird help calm me. Just as if I were to try to catch, control the red bird, hold her tight, I couldn’t. I couldn’t calm her fast beating heart. I couldn’t settle her. So I just observe her. I let her be whatever she wants to be. She looks at me, and hops a little closer, as if to see me. I feel her say hello. Hi friend, we are here together, just being ourselves, and feeling the warm sun and the cool grass all at the same time.
We both are together in this clear moment, and we are both in the open freedom of the air. We are breathing in the same air and co-existing, cohabitating, yet completely different. Neither of us need to change – she thinks you in your black turtleneck and me in my feathers. We can be here together, and calm and steady, and warm and wet all at once. Breath in we are here. We made it to this mindful moment. Celebrate with breath. A smile as she flies away.
Feel the joy, feel the goodness with the worry, the fear is felt but the steady waters roll right up against it and we are here, we are one swaying vessel of magic, inside. Both steady and sweaty. Both are welcome, now and always.
You are here, you made it to the moment and feel your toes on the ground. It’s been a long time and time is what brought you here and will bring you away again, freely, hopefully, and joyously.
Your compass is set, the story is told, and more living needs to happen beyond here to tell more and understand maybe even less, but we will trust the next questions that sway into the tides when you are 40 years from now in your cottage on the coast, dreaming of today. Put the pen down and hold space for you and your red bird. xo.